saving lives
by tatty ted
Summary: Before Ally tells Charlie that she wants to quit Nursing, she talks her decision over with Lauren. /Oneshot, follows the events of "Smoke & Mirrors." - —Ally/OC.


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**saving lives**  
_had i known how to save a life._

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The first thing she notices when she walks into the staff room is Ally absent-mindedly staring into space. She heads towards her locker, opens it and puts her mobile phone back, grabs her stethoscope and closes the locker.

Ally doesn't even flinch and Lauren wonders what's on her mind. She walks towards her, heading to the kettle and says gently;

"What are you thinking?"

She hears a sigh but there's nothing spoken for a moment. She picks the kettle, fills it up with water and places it back on the stand before she flicks the switch. Lauren leans against the counter and folds her arms across her chest, "Ally?"

She looks up and makes eye contact with a small smile, "Nothing."

"You can't fool me." There's another silence before she elaborates, "You know, a problem shared is a problem solved right?"

There's another silence between the two, the only sound heard was the kettle boiling and Lauren wondered what had caused Ally to be so quiet. The younger girl swallows hard and answers back;

"I don't want to be a Nurse anymore."

Lauren slowly walks towards Ally and sits down in front of her, "How come?"

"I can't forget," She whispers, "I can't go home at the end of a shift, wake up in the morning and forget about that awful shift. Last week, those children in that coach crash, it made me realise life—it's too short to do things you don't want to do."

"And you don't want to do Nursing anymore?"

"No." She states and Lauren smiles knowing it was a difficult decision to come too, "What made you choose Nursing in the first place?"

"Have you ever felt pressured into something?"

Lauren doesn't answer, she just smiles. Ally looks at her a little confused to why she's smiling and watches as she stands up and heads to the kettle. It's only as she takes two mugs off the draining board that Ally asks;

"What's so funny?"

She doesn't answer as she places two spoonfuls of coffee into one mug and a teabag in the other; "One of the reasons I became a Doctor was because I felt I _had_ too. My mother, she was a Consultant in this very hospital. It felt to me, the only way she'd ever be proud of me would be if I went into medicine too."

"Do you regret it?"

Lauren shakes her head, "No I don't. Sugar?" Ally shakes her head and she scoops a spoonful of sugar into her own mug and leaves Ally's bare. When she's finished, she walks towards the table, two mugs in her hand and sits them down on the table.

"Did you find your first year difficult?"

Lauren holds the mug of coffee in her hands and nods; "My first year was incredibly difficult. When I started here there were three F2's, me, Doctor Toby De Silva and Doctor Ruth Winters. All three of us were troubled, thrown together in this Emergency Department, trying to find our feet and learn from our mistakes."

She takes a sip of her coffee and makes eye contact with Ally; "I struggled with a drug addiction in my first year, Toby resigned during his first day only to realise that he was a good Doctor and came back. Ruth attempted suicide. We were all troubled Doctors, trying our hardest to become successful."

"What made you stay?"

"The more my confidence was shattered, the more I was determined to be a good Doctor. I stayed because I knew, deep down I could do it. I could become something and not completely dent my mother's name for having a rubbish Doctor for a daughter."

There is a pause, almost as if she's trying to graps what Lauren's telling her; "But Nursing, it's been in my family for generations. I can't—"

"Ally listen to me." Lauren put her mug down on the table and continued; "There's nothing to say you _have_ to be a Nurse. You've tried and you've discovered that this, Emergency Nursing isn't for you. You're not a failure Ally, you've experienced something and now it's time to do what _you _want to do, not what you _have _to do."

"But how do I explain to Charlie, he'll be disappointed."

Lauren smiled softly, "My father believes in you, he thinks you're good, he thinks you'll be a great Nurse. He won't be disappointed in you, he'll be grateful that you felt able to talk to him about your decision. Of course, he may try and talk you out of it. He never wants to let go off those he believes in."

Ally nodded and looked down at her cup of tea. After a small conversation with a Doctor and she already felt better, more confident at taking that step to do something she really wanted to do. Lauren leant back in her chair in silence, grateful for once she was able to help someone.

She was about to take a sip of her coffee when her pager begin to bleep. Putting her cup down on the table, she responded to the pager and walked towards the sink, emptying the contents of her mug. She rinsed it out and placed it on the draining board upside down.

"Good luck Ally, don't be a stranger." She left, closing the door with a small thud behind her. Ally finished her cup of tea, rinsed out the mug and left it to dry on the side. Then she took a deep breath, left the staff room and approached the Nurse's office.

As she stood outside, she took another deep breath, knocked on the door and knew she was making the right decision. She was not a failure. This was just the wrong path to take, eventually the choices she made would lead her to the right destination. Starting from tonight.

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**jottings** — if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


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